I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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