for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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