The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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