U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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