you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
