what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
