You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
