I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
