This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
