Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
