my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
