OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
tell me about the fingering
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