ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
