The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
