The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
