so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
