I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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