i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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