Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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