They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
