my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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