I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
