She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
