your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
