Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So much rum. So many feels.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
