I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
