did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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