Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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