she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
