I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
