That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
