Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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