Your face is a jimmy john
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
