he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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