just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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