Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
