Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
