"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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