My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
