we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
