just survived the first fart of the relationship.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
