I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
