I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
