OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is Oprah even human
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
