Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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