I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
