I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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