I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
