yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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