I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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