i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
