"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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